In his book “The Prophet” Kalil Gibran ponders, amongst other things, about marriage.

We will make comments about a few phrases of the book, trying to learn something useful to add to our lives.

Talking about couples, Gibran says:

“Love one another but make not a bond of love.”

Many couples, either ignoring this important orientation or just not being aware of it, make their relationships real prisons.

Love must be spontaneous. It should not be reason for fights or improper demands.

Love understands: it should not be made of bonds that confine and make people unhappy.

Sometimes, in the name of love, we want our partners to do only what we approve. She or he can only have a hair cut if we allow them to do so. She or he can only wear the clothes we like. The person, to avoid discussions, can only go out with us and cannot break the established rules, created by our selfishness.

That is not love; it is a prison.

To love without oppression, that is the big challenge.

The Prophet advises:

“Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.”

That means we should share, be tender and give our own piece without expecting something in exchange.

It is common that after an act of courtesy, expectations arise. We do someone a favour and wait for a reward. We actually expect some kind of  benefit.

To share the bread is all right, but not to eat from the same loaf. That means we should leave to the other the right he or she has over his or her piece.

Gibran continues:

“Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.”

It is important to share, but it is also important to respect each other’s individuality, without invading the intimacy of the loved partner.

There are people who would like to control even the partner’s thoughts, to the point of transforming the other one into his or her own shadow. That is not love; it is the desire of possession over the other person taken to the extreme.

Stand together, yet not too close together:

“For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

A huge lesson can be taken from these words, as the comparison is almost perfect.

A couple lives together, but each one must respect the other’s space.

A home is a temple that should be sustained by two pillars: each one in its position, so that support is given to the temple.

If the pillars get too close to each other, the temple might come down. That is why the prophet recommends: “Stand together, yet not too close together.”

The objective of marriage is the union of the couple, not the fusion of the people. You cannot live the other person's life, you cannot control what the other person likes or dislikes.

It is necessary to grow, and even more important, it is necessary to allow the other one to grow as well, and not to become each other’s shadow.

If couples observed these small but efficient advises, they surely would live together with more harmony, in a more agreeable way.

Think about it!

True love is the one who understands, forgives, renounces.

In the name of love, we should hold our hands together to offer support to each other and not to try to get chained to one another.

The one who loves offers security, confidence and affection.

Remember that the person you share your life with is not yours; you do not own him or her. It is a soul searching for its own perfection, as well as you are.

At last, keep the prophet’s recommendation:

“Love one another but make not a bond of love.”

Think about it!

Text written by Spiritist Moment Team, from the book:  “The Prophet” by Kalil Gibran.