Whenever couples get divorced, kids start to suffer a series of consequences. To them, it does not matter if the parents cannot stand each other anymore, if they have great differences or if they have chosen, for any other reasons, to get divorced.
When asked about it, in almost all the cases, they will answer that they would like to stay with both. They end up staying with the father or with the mother, though.
To the parent who did not keep the children remains the task of showing up in determined day and time for the visits, as agreed in the divorce.
Although this agreement is an item which can facilitate things for the couple, it is not for the children. They became committed to the one who should pick up and drop them off, as if they were commodities.
It is a very uncomfortable situation for the kids. Sometimes, they need to reject friends´invitations, school field trips because that is the day of the visit.
Because, after all, if they tell mother or father, whose day it is up to visit, that they have other commitments, it will always sound to that spouse that the other is machining to block the access to children.
Also, sometimes, children would prefer to stay home, play soccer in the yard, and watch TV. However, it is time for the ride and they must go.
The father or the mother who picks them up feels, in turn, compelled to provide a different and unprecedented tour. After all, it is so short the time they spend together.
But the kids are not asked about what they would like to do on that weekend, on that holiday. Gradually, what should be a pleasant meeting with the missing part of their lives becomes a heavy commitment.
That day has been committed and it is necessary to attend the schedule: tour, snack, chatting, soccer game, movie teather.
Everything in the right and marked time. Delimited. Accurately.
When the schedule is excellent, it needs to be interrupted because it is time to go back. No chances to take longer. The time is set.
When the schedule is not that good, they must endure to the end.
All of these end up going to damage the relationship of children to their parents.
More natural it would be that the couple, leaving their differences aside, thought of the children and willing, on good will, to give a little each one.
Everything to facilitate the life of those they have generated and who they are responsible for.
Instead of systematic rigidity, mutual understanding for flexibility of days and times of visits.
Surely, the bad will that, sometimes, children demonstrate, will disappear, because they will feel free to enjoy, in all the details, living with one and other, with no pressure, no trauma.
* * *
Children are important components of the marriage. When there is disruption of affective commitment, the couple, if they have little kids, must be turned, above all, for these little birds still featherless and wrap them under the wings of understanding and tenderness.
Once the marriage bond is dissolved, do not abandon the duty to protect children, especially if these children have not yet reached puberty.
Because the earthly existence is so important to the progress and improvement of the Spirit, it is not lawful to parents contempt for the needs of their children.
And those needs include affection, respect and protection.
Spiritist Moment Team, with final thoughts from the chapter 10 and 18, from the book Vida e sexo, by the Spirit Emmanuel, psychographed by Francisco Candido Xavier, ed. Feb.November 18.2011.